Post to a friend and some thoughts

So a friend of mine posted about feeling like everything was a test...and I couldn't agree more, especially about this past year of our life. So I responded because I wanted her to realize she could totally handle whatever was being thrown at her.

Just God trying to make you stronger ;) Go with the flow, show Him you can handle it. I felt like this past year of my life was a giant test, I tried to stay positive about everything (and I mean EVERYTHING, including a lumpectomy) and really, I came out better because of it. My kids were constantly sick, Adam's leave was switched because of his bad back (big emotional thing to handle since he would miss Allie's birthday), my grandmother passed away, I found a lump, he had to come home for my surgery (which messed with Allies head), more kid sickness, moved half away across the country with my kids and unpacked half of the house on the own, way, way (2 types in the month we waited for him) more kid sickness (including throwing up on the way to his homecoming ceremony!) and patiently waited and prayed for my husband to make it in time for Christmas, and God delivered. I felt like most days I couldn't handle anymore without Adam by my side, but each day...I proved myself wrong. So whenever you think you can't handle anymore, dig deep, you can!! Believe in yourself :) After this past year, I firmly believe God does not and will not give what you cannot handle and he is just trying to show you just how strong you are! So whatever is getting you down, don't let it! ;) You got this.

A lot of times during this deployment, one a certain wife and I would talk to each other, and we would often say to each other "You got this". It's the truth, we did. We handled anything thrown at us, especially when we thought we couldn't. Sometimes I feel like I took the easy way out by going home or, because Adam got sent home on emergency leave for my surgery, that like things were easier for us. Then I need to remind myself of how far we have been as a family in general, his first deployment was FIFTEEN months, I gave birth WITHOUT him, raised Allie alone (while yes living at my moms) but I did it without assistance, every feeding, every diaper change, every time she cried during the night, I did it alone without any even emotional support from my husband being with me (other than phone calls, computer IMs and letters). He missed her whole first year of life, he met her at 4 months old and had the strength to leave her and came home 2 weeks before her first birthday and was an amazing father. We had another baby 2 years later and he managed to have the strength to leave us all again (after packing our home up for 2 weeks straight to send us back to NJ so we would be happier). In that year, he dealt with so much physical pain left over from his last deployment, lost two friends over there, had to handle everything going on at home and miss his kids. I can't even comprehend that. Then again, I don't think he could sit home and wait either. How I don't think we've been thru enough, I don't know...but when push comes to shove, I guess I look at what other families have been thru. My mom kept saying to me after I moved back here, I don't know how you are doing it all alone with two little kids and then the girls got ear infections and nasty colds. That cleared up and they both got the stomach virus, days within him coming home, Em even threw up on the way to his ceremony. I prayed and prayed I wouldn't be sick for his ceremony...and I wasn't...but at midnight on Christmas...it hit me! However, God answered my prayer, Emmy didn't get sick at the ceremony and either did I!

I will say, I never prayed harder than I have in the past year and my prayers were answered. When it came down to my lumpectomy and Adam possibly coming home, at first I prayed for him to come home...but then I thought, how selfish of me to pray for that. So I prayed for God to take care of our family how He saw fit, let him lay out the route we would need to take. If Adam didn't come home, I was waiting until after the deployment to have the surgery and I would just get the biopsy done. Sure enough, Adam arrived the day before my surgery, enough time for me show him the ropes with the girls and with Allie's school schedule before he had to take over the next day and for a solid week or more after before I could attempt to lift the girls again. Thank God he did, I was not expecting the pain meds to not work after my surgery. I was not expecting to be so miserable, or have to have him lift me out of bed because I couldn't even do that. So God knew him being home was a huge blessing and he made it happen.

End my rant on my thoughts on this past year and how much my prayers were answered. I'm not one who goes to church every week, but this deployment has most certainly renewed my faith and instilled some more in Adam. He has even discussed becoming Catholic. We also know going to church as a family is something we want to start doing, hopefully our kids will behave. It's amazing, how when you think the most challenging times of your life, you would think God is challenging you or maybe even punishing you, I promised myself to stay positive and I found a blessing in almost each challenge. It made this past year much more bearable, when it could of just been miserable.